A letter to you

I think you are making the wrong choice. I think you are making the easiest choice. I think you're a coward. 

How long before your realize that he is controlling you like he controlled me? Taking hold of your emotions, playing on your insecurities, manipulating you like his puppet. I spent three years as a convenience to him, how many will you allow?

You are too good to him. I knew it when I was with him. I saw you, his "best" friend, thinking that you were lucky to have him. He brainwashed me too; he was the lucky one. 

He didn't deserve me and frankly, he doesn't deserve you either. He is really a great actor- making us believe he cares, he's there for us, he listens, he understands, he gives advice. He's in control. That's all this is, control. 

I'm sorry you haven't realized it yet. It took me a long time as well. I just hope you realize that you're happiness is more important than him. He's not as wonderful as you think. I promise. 

"What a shame to convince these flames they are only sparks; what a misfortune to say this fire is a flame. You, have always been gasoline. Stop pretending I haven't always been the match."

-Tyler Knott Gregson

You can't win 'em all...

Mantra

Life is overwhelming. Sometimes, I feel like it tricks me; pulls me into a nice warm hug, then squeezes too tightly. I find myself needing a reminder that I'm able to handle it. I find myself repeatedly chanting this mantra in my head: "I can do anything for _____." <--- insert amount of time there.

Said amount of time could be anywhere from a couple of years (graduate school) to a couple of minutes (running, planks, etc.). Mostly, I just need the reminder that whatever it is that's squeezing too tightly won't break me.

"I can do anything for one day."

Sometimes, it's literally, just getting through the day.

I'm not depressed, and this will not be a collection of depressing thoughts. On the contrary, I'm a very happy person, and credit for this is probably due to my mantra, because a lot of times, it helps me get through  conversations without throat punching people. I mean, just today, a supervisor of mine really dodged a bullet, all in thanks to a smile on my face and a voice in my head, "I can do what this... wants me to do. I can do anything for three more weeks." Lucky woman :)

I always have too many thoughts running laps in my mind and I need a place to vent. Whether it be about dating, exes, school, the job hunt, friends, moving, dieting, family, what have you, I will try to write my feelings as best I can. Whether that means quotes, songs, rants, raves, pictures, you name it, this is ultimately for me. To readjust, to look back on, to laugh at, to cry over, to stop, take a deep breath, and move on from. I can do this.

I can do anything for one day...
L